Not good, not bad, just fine.
When I was younger, my dad was always the one to drop me off and pick me up from school. It was his bonding time with us and was just what he did. Every day when I would get in the car my dad would say, "how was your day?" to which I would always respond, "fine". It could have been a terrible day and I would have said "fine". I could have been made fun of or won most popular and I still would have responded with "fine". It's not like I am a woman of few words, but for some reason that one word summed it all up for me.
Today was the beginning of a next major chapter in my life. My oldest muffin started Kindergarten today at our local school. He has been anxious about this moment for years, just like I have, but for many different reasons. I woke up at around 4:45 today and pondered with the thought of him calling in sick, just so that we could have one more day. I have been lucky enough to have my babies with me all day, every day since they were born. They have not been in any sort of preschool (other then when I worked at one) because the way I look at it, you only get five short years with them...then they leave. And things are not the same.
When we got to school he asked if I was going to stay to which I responded with a no. But, I almost said, "I will, if you want me too. And I will look after you, and protect you, and make sure kids are nice to you and that your teacher likes you and that no one says a cuss word. And I will even install a double sided window in your room so that I can sit and observe your every move". But I didn't. The tears started to flow before we even got on the school grounds and as we walked into his room I could feel them starting to creep back to my eyes. We found him a spot and he immediately went to work coloring and observing his new room and his new "friends" as they each made their way into the room. There is only one other boy that we know and it was a relief to see him walk into the room and sit by Wrigs. It gave me such peace of mind to know that he at least had one person who knew him, and to know that he would not be alone today, and hopefully any other day. I wanted to go up to the teacher and let her know how lucky she is to have my baby, my sweet tender hearted baby that I love, but I didn't. I just hugged him, told him I loved him, told him he would be fine and walked out. And the tears started flowing again.
We as women, and parents, are given such an amazing gift, this miracle of life. We are able to grow something and nurture it and pray over it and watch it grow. I pray that I have planted a good seed. I pray that many will come in and out of his life that will be a blessing to him and that he will, in return, be a blessing to them. I pray that my baby will be loved, and I am so thankful that there is one who is really watching over him, and all of us, through a double sided window. So today, I am fine. Not good, not bad, just fine.
And I will be waiting in the carpool line at least an hour early.